Before you read all this I wanted to make sure I gave you directions as far as where you can hear this new tune I worked on with some of my church buds...
It's also on Spotify and Itunes if you search for, "Summit Church I Call Him Lord"
Now, you may continue...
Coming into 2018 the Pastors at my church decided to take an intentional approach to the year. Basically, they wanted the whole church to simplify most everything. What’s at the core of what we want to be about? Thankfully and appropriately they decided Jesus was pretty core to what we do and that every sermon series etc. would revolve around the life of Jesus for the next 12 months.
Along with this decision came the decision from some of the more artsy fellas in leadership to start the project of recording some songs and hymns that reflect the same sentiment. They creatively called the project, “Jesus Songs.” What else could you possibly call it? So, we are releasing a song per month and I was invited to participate in the project! Pretty fun. Right?
When I was asked what I would want to record it was a quick answer. I had written the bulk of a song called “I Call Him Lord” right after completing my first ever worship release last year. It’s pretty typical and frustrating for me that whenever I get done with some big creative project its usually followed by a wave of creativity that makes the project I just finished look obsolete already. Anyway, I was excited about the song and now I had a chance to record it for this!
It was a solid selection for the project because out of all the worship songs I’ve written, “I Call Him Lord” was the most focused on who Jesus is/was. At first, the idea was simple…or so I thought.
I knew I wanted to start the song connecting Genesis 1 to John 1 and paint Jesus as this big galactic deity that played a role in the creation of the universe. Then, I wanted to detail some of the miracles he did in his life toward in the middle. At the end, I knew I wanted it to get more intimate and personal tying neatly together the theme that this big deity is the same personal God that I call “Lord” – turned out to be not so simple.
My favorite part of the song initially is still my favorite part of it. Much of the song is framed in a repeating question, “Who is this that…” did such and such. At the end of the song the question is answered tenderly, honestly and pretty obviously, “It’s Jesus Christ.” There was something kind of special about that part for me.
As I thought about the song more and started to tweak and revise it I came to an epiphany that was lurking just underneath the surface. This song is basically a step-by-step walk through of how I personally face my doubts.
Sure, I’m a Worship Minister employed at a church, but I’m also a science nerd and a realist. Sure, I’ve had times in my life where I was sure God directed me and even spoke to me or gave me a vision, but I still have doubts on a weekly and sometimes daily basis about all sorts of things.
I think about matters of faith all the time. I enjoy it, but with faith come doubts. It’s a part of it. Otherwise it would be called, “Facts.” Being humans we can’t really escape this completely. We can keep our minds busy. We can subscribe completely to an ideology/religion and just look up the answers in the Bible, Koran, or Wikipedia etc., but when we’re honest with ourselves and have to sit with our questions about death, right and wrong, if there’s a God or not amongst many others it can be arduous and even lonely.
In the past couple years, I’ve come to grips with the idea that in today’s day and age one of the best ways for me to lead people in worship is disarming them by voicing my own doubts. Presently, I’ve observed quite a bit of dissonance around what a Christian is supposed to be. If you doubt you’ve probably felt it. I’ve asked questions like, “Should I be doing what I do if I’m asking questions like this?”, “Do some of these people just have it right and I’m just wrong or worse…crazy?”
I’m just going to say it. As Christians we believe a guy 2000 years ago got up from the dead and that somehow, some way that has implications on our lives being better today and our eternal future has been altered. I’m sorry. That is cray-zayyy!
My hope is that anyone who listens to this particular song spends some time with it. My approach to doubt is all over it. I think through how I see code everywhere. In my point of view there must be a Creator. Then, I remember how God has done miracles in my own life. Next, I remember that He’s still guiding me and He has an unconditional love for me. To me, love is the greatest mystery of all. It doesn’t make sense. It seems like it has to be divine!
In the end, I’m actually reassuring myself, “It’s Jesus Christ. It’s Jesus Christ. It’s Jesus Christ.” This step by step is definitely not meant to be a cure for doubt, but it has definitely soothed me on countless occasions and I hope it's a comfort for those who listen to it – maybe even an invitation to wrestle with a little less worry.